psyluna

My life is about to change, so it seems.

It has already changed lots since… To be fair, it's not only that change is an inevitable part of the human experience. I'm used to it, and become uneasy if things stay as they are for longer than they “should”. Instability is my home. I'm always on the lookout for the next twist. Resting is for the dead.

I'm rootless. A person of chaos. A Pandora's Box. I have no idea what a routine is. I've moved cities quite a bit. Left places. Quit stuff. Started others. Forgot about some people. Some people forgot about me, too. Lost a few. Others came and went. Others are still here. For how long, though?

And so what if they decide to go?

It wasn't always my doing. Some things were out of my control. Most things are, actually. Doesn't mean I don't care. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. However, when you lose, and lose, and lose, over and over, it becomes familiar. When people take things from your hands, when you're suddenly denied of what you thought you had, when you know it will happen again because life isn't always like you want it to be… You can't help but become a fatalist, right? You can't help but to get used to it. We get used to things to stop suffering.

What is this good omen whispering in the back of my mind?

Should I believe what it tells me?

The answer is clear. Not to many, but to me. My intuition is always right. It always knows. I don't know where it comes from. I don't know what it is. I have no idea why it says whatever, refuses to elaborate, and fades back into nothingness. It's the definition of an unreliable master. Unreliable, sure. A master, no doubt.

For now, I'll do what must be done. I'll wake up, one day after another, and wear my human being suit. It takes a while to be comfortable in our skins. Can't say I got there yet, or will ever get there one day, or even if it's possible to be 100% fine with ourselves. No self-doubt. No second guessing.

It got better. Leagues better. It was my doing. To honor past me, who was so empty and desperate, who wanted to die so badly, I shall write the cursed sentence. This one's to the girl who locked her heart away, and herself entirely, but the prison was too sharp. It cut into her skin, and she bled into the world, thinking it'd be her demise. No winter lasts forever.

I'm proud of myself.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to this little page. I'm mostly going to stay in my lane, squeeing and crying over fictional people kissing. I don't have much to share anyway. My life is boring. Maybe I am boring. However, introducing ourselves is always good exercise for the mind, right? Also, if someone ever opens this page, it would be sad if they found nothing.

Call me psy, luna, or psyluna as you please. My IRL name is boring and doesn't fit me. I don't care much about this pronouns thing, but she/her will do.

I was born in 1995. Feel free to do the math. I'm not old old, but old enough to remember a bit of Ye Olde Days of fandom. As an unsupervised child on the internet, I date back to the era when smut was called "lemons", even if I had absolutely NO business knowing that at the time.

The written word has always fascinated me. I could read from a very early age and that was my favorite thing to pass the time. I can't put my finger on what exactly was my first piece of fiction in general. My first fanfiction was a poorly written NejiTen I wrote on Notepad and posted on FFN without a care in the world. It was hideous. I was 10, I think. I even got a positive comment! Different times, huh?

No regrets, though.

I don't know what it is about me that I seem to be physically unable to write fluffy, conflict-free, painless stories. It's been like that since I can remember. Even the sweetest things that ever came out of this brain of mine have some degree of dramatic content. Breakup, internal turmoil, deep existential questions, loneliness, doubt, fear, despair, abandonment, uncertainty. All of that together, and even more. The darkest parts of the human emotional experience seem to catch my eye more often than they should. I swear I'm not trying to be deep. I wish I was sunnier. I wish I didn't make myself suffer. Perhaps that's why I like the theme of "something good and hopeful that was born from chaos", like most of my pairings begin.

I'd rather write than talk. Talking is painful and tiring. People are hard. Even if there are real people on the other side reading my unspeakable thoughts, for a moment, I can believe they are words on a screen and nothing more, and they can do the same in return. There is a sense of detachment to putting words out in the world, and to receiving words back, especially in a language that's not my native one to begin with.

Speaking of which, English is not my first language. I can use it just fine for everyday communication, as you can tell from this post. I have a trace of a British accent that contaminated me long ago. It's not on purpose. Only God can judge me.

Do I like English? Well, it's complicated. I like the opportunities. The vast knowledge. Some quirky word or idiom I pick up at times. The language? Grammar? The dull verb tenses? Some stupid names for things? No way. Portuguese is my mother tongue, and one I hold close to my heart. There is no language to be informal like Portuguese. No one does talking about our feelings like we do. Ignoring personal pronouns in sentences due to the multiple verb tenses is just amazing. The swear words? Slang words? Chef's kiss. I love languages and language learning in general, but facts are facts.

Let's not talk about my broken Japanese skills, please. lol

If you have anything to say to me, to ask/tell me about myself, my fics, life in general, trivia, your favorite things, ships/fandoms we have in common, or if you just want an inbox to scream into, hit me up. I can't promise an in-depth, heartfelt, and/or quick response, though. These years, I acquired the habit of not taking things too seriously so that I wouldn't freak out over stuff. I'm a natural problem-solver with clown tendencies and a fangirl at heart. If you are fine with that, let's chat.

If I ever post anything here again, see you next time. In case I don't, I'm not dead or anything, just quietly enjoying fictional content.